Ciao bella Zia

This has been one tough month.  The one good thing that happened was our anniversary of 15 yrs.  We had a wonderful dinner downtown at the Omni.  The view on top of the Omni is awesome at sun down.  We went up to the pool area and just sat and look over the city for a few minutes, then went to dinner downstairs. Elegant, very elegant.That was the good part of the month.
Here is some back ground to make sense of this.  We moved 6 yrs ago and part of my family I was not able to stay in close touch with much due to them not having internet or cell phones at that time.  So it had been some time since I saw them before we moved even farther.  I tried to see them every time I went to visit my mom who lived 5 hours from us when we lived up north.  We went every year or so to see my mom back then.  I could not go more often on my own because of some vision issues so I had to wait for my husband to take off work and it was not easy to do that with one income due to my illness at that time.
Whenever I got to my mom's every time, I would say lets go visit your sister and my cousins and it seemed either she was not up to it or said they were busy that day.  I was disappointed but didn't push as my mom was older so I just let it go.
I so wish I didn't just let it go.  I have been calling and sending cards to my two aunts as their husband's, my uncles did pass on, that woke me up about the realization of every one getting older. I did send cards to them and called allot more and emailed etc and for that I am happy that I did that.  I have been trying to pick up and re-knew our relationships.  At Christmas I was able to Spype my aunt and mom and was able to see my aunt via the web cam on spype.  How cool that was.  Well it turned out to be the last time I would see my aunt and that was only for a few moments.  I was more focused on my mom.  We were not home that Christmas day and visiting with my hubby's parents so it was difficult to carry on a conversation with other people in the same small room as was me and my netbook,  We were at my brother-in-law's apartment and so I was in the room with my hubby, his brother and  in-laws, it was noisy and they were just kinda waiting for me to get off the cam so then they could get back to visiting also.  We all made the best of it but it was a short visit.with my aunt. The time with my family was very limited but very emotional for me and I was happy that day to see everyone, my in laws and my mom and aunt after so many years if not in person but on spype.  That is amazing that we can do things like that now. 
Well I got a call that my aunt was in the hospital for a week or so and I then called my cousin to see how she was doing and he told me the news that she had passed that night before.  Oh no.  My heart stopped for a second and I could not believe what I heard.  I was very close to her as a child, then a teen and young lady many years ago.  She was funny and expressive and smiling and cooking all the time.  She was special and loved greatly.  She was different from my mom but my mom is older and had a different life.  I will miss her and regret that I lost so much time with her and my cousins over the years.  Maybe I should of tried harder. I am glad I sent her cards and called her over the past few years since her husband died. For that I am thankful.
I am not sure if I should be mad at myself or my mom but I am not going to have my mom for many years to come so I try not to let things get to me when it comes to her but she is not easy to understand.  I love her and miss her too.  Hopefully this year we can get home.  Life sometime is not a bowl of cherries is it?
Well to my dear aunt to whom I miss and will continue to miss, I will always remember you smiling and making jokes and cooking up a storm and that oh so wonderful accent of yours. But I have to say Ciao bella Zia. You will be missed greatly and deeply.